Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
