Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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