just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
