Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
