How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
