I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
