so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
