sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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