I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't notice because vodka
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
