Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
