This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
