he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
