Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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