If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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