So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
