I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
