so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
