So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
