Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
