Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
