I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
