I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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