I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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