my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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