he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
