.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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