funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
