I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
