I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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