Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
