You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
