I think I won the penis lottery.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
