Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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