So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
