I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
