I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
