real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
