He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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