Can i not drive my cunt home
okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
