My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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