yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
