Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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