He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
