My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
