Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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