Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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