i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
