So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
