Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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