theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
