Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
