What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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