I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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