He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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